Hi again! It's been a long time since I last posted anything. I tried to pretend like I could continue as if nothing had happened back in February, but that's not true. On February 11, 2014, I found out that the distributor that took over the bankrupt publisher printing my book, dropped me. I held on until the bitter end, hoping on hope that my investment would pay off. Unfortunately, it did not and I'm back at square one with my book. Well, maybe not "square one," but close to the beginning again. I wrote the book. It's done. It was done three (3) years ago! But, that's another story... Now, I just need to figure out what I'm going to do with it.
I started recreating my book on Shutterfly, but it's so much work that I keep missing the deadlines for their promotions. I'm still working on it because I want to see at least ONE copy in my hands. I could never sell my book at the price I'm paying for one copy from Shutterfly, but that's not the point, and compared to my initial investment, it's a drop in the bucket.
Then, there's this blog. I've taken thousands of pictures over the years, and have started to sort through "the best" ones on my computer, but I haven't resized them or posted them on my website first. I have my website protected from people copying (cut and paste) etc., but not here. So, I hesitate to post anything on this blog until the image is protected on my website first. I feel like if anyone tried to take my image without my permission, I'd have proof that I published it first on my website if I ever had to go to court - if it ever went that far. But, what are the chances of that happening? My pictures are good, but not great. And, there are hundreds of thousands of photographers all over the world who take and publish their gorgeous photos online all the time. I read on another photographer's website that he doesn't copyright anything or "protect" any of his work because if they want his image, they can have it. And, who is reading this blog anyway? I have no one to protect my work from yet anyway!
And, yet, I still feel the need to copyright my photographs by posting them on my protected website first before I post on Facebook too. It's just so much work and so time consuming. I don't like all of that tedious work of resizing and saving for every single image. And with thousands of images, it's a daunting task and overwhelming. I'd hire someone to do it, but then we get back to the issue of trust. Do I trust this person in my home, or do I put my photos in a drop box and let them resize and post etc.? Do I trust this person to just do what I ask, or risk having them save my original work (a large file as opposed to a small one meant for the internet) on an outside hard drive for their personal use without my knowledge? This is what I think about. This fear is what's stopping me from doing anything. This is why no one who goes to my "store" can buy anything. I never finished setting it up on my website.
In addition, my self-confidence in my photos is very low because I have submitted my work to various contests over the years, and have been rejected every time, that I'm beginning to wonder if my work is even good. I've told myself that it's exposure, but these rejections are getting to me. It's time to submit photos for the National Wildlife Federation annual contest. I've considered that my donation to preserving wildlife and am happy to donate to their cause. Now, it's time to submit photos to the OC Fair. I've never submitted to them before, but don't believe my photos will be chosen and I'll have wasted my time and money entering without the benefit of calling it a donation to a worthy cause. It will be money thrown down the drain.
Of course, my friends and family think my photos are great, but they love me and support me no matter what. That's why I keep them around. :-) I want to get recognized by others outside of my circle. But that begs the question, why do I need accolades from strangers? What will that prove?
The real question is, "Why am I doing this?" I love taking pictures, but why does it have to be a business? Why do I need to have an award for anything? Why am I comparing myself to the select few who are lucky enough to get recognized and their blog makes them money in their sleep. I'm part of the billions of people trying to do the same, and getting nowhere. In my case, it's because I haven't put in the hours of work it takes to get recognized. What is the purpose of this blog for me? I'm not clear on what I want or what I wanted to get out of this. I thought it was to share my book before it got published, but now it's not going anywhere.
I never wanted to be famous. I like my anonymity too much. Maybe that's my conflict. I haven't gotten my "business" off the ground because I secretly don't want it to since that would mean I would become recognized and eventually famous if I was that great. So, I've stayed mediocre. People enjoy my pictures and think they're nice, but don't want to pay that much for them, if anything. My greeting cards sell, but only if they're cheap enough. Or maybe I need to print different pictures. The truth is, that I don't want to do the work it takes to start a business. The amount of work I need to do is overwhelming. There, I've said it. It's too hard and too much time and energy. However, there is the saying, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." I haven't taken the time to break down the job into small manageable tasks. But, then I'm back to the question, "Why am I doing this?"
I like my life the way it is. I substitute teach when there is work, and otherwise, I'm a housewife with a little photography hobby on the side. I'm a good teacher and love being with the kids and other people. That's the problem. Photography is too lonely a profession for me. I need to be around others and not stuck behind a computer all day resizing pictures, blogging, or doing other social media.
Bottom line, I'm taking a break from all of this. Maybe I'll submit my work, maybe I won't. It's not too late yet. So, if I feel like posting something, I will, but this blog and website are on hold for now while I figure things out.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to look at my photos. I appreciate it.
Love,
Debs :-)
DebraRubyPhotography.com
